Help Me Name My New Computer

A few weeks ago, The Beast died. The Beast was my first desktop PC I bought when I moved out of home. He had done me well over the last few years, but in the days leading up to his death, I could tell it was time to move on. He was struggling to perform simple tasks and really, really struggled when I asked him to do something complicated like creating graphics or making movies. Last week, I placed an order for a new machine. I wanted to make sure that everything inside the box would cope with the work out I wanted to give it. I paid so much attention to the insides, that I didn’t really put any consideration into what it would look like.

I didn’t expect something that would be at home on a Formula 1 race track. When I opened up the packaging to find this bright red beauty, I was a very happy man. Yes, red computers do go faster.


The packaging on this baby says: “Unique race car design. Utilizing an advanced spray-painting process usually reserved for high performance automobiles, the F430’s plastic is redered in the high gloss of metallic automobile paint, express the spirit of cutting-edge racecar design!”

Here’s my problem. Before the computer arrived, I was all set to call him ORAC, named after the computer in Blake’s 7. However, after opening him up, he doesn’t look like an ORAC. I need suggestions for a name. Any ideas?

23 responses to “Help Me Name My New Computer”

  1. Susan says :


    how do I make the connection you may ask??

    Well….Roary the racecar is a children\’s television show. Racecar\’s are usually red, because apparently red cars go faster, and the computer is red. So, thus, therefore, ipsofacto, Roary!! :)

  2. Duke says :


    Like Michael Schumacher.

  3. Ethan says :

    Trogdor the Burninator

  4. Guan says :

    With something that red, how could you not go a Superman reference?

  5. James says :

    It’s red. It’s electronical.
    How could it be anything but Optimus?

    • Joel A Moroney says :

      Ooooh, I like the idea of Optimus Prime. Would it transform into a robot, or is this his robot mode and he would transform into something else?

  6. Mike S says :

    Install windows 7 on him and he’ll transform into something faster.

  7. Mike S says :

    I vote for Optimus Secundus
    He’s never going to be as cool as Prime.

    Flash is also very red. Implies fastness of CPU too.

    Red rum?

  8. James says :

    Before he was Primed he was just a humble archivist.

  9. /Karen/ says :

    How ’bout Edom?

  10. James says :

    Edom is Hebrew for Red. Issac’s brother was named for his colouring.

  11. Andrew says :

    Put some red n blue flashing lights on it, and turn it into a racing fire engine. Doesn’t help with the name I know.

  12. eugene hor says :

    honestly Joel, from all the feedback it’s obvious – he does look a bit like Optimus Prime – a bit more blue here and there … almost there. Or you can deck your machine out to look like this – your very own optimus prime desktop

    • Joel A Moroney says :

      Even better than Optimus…
      He’s more red, even faster, and I can change my Windows login sound to “You’ve Got The Touch” from the original Transformers movie

  13. Ethan says :

    “Why Gandalf? It is neither gray nor white”

    Why not Gandalf? Its a clever little computer, innit? And does it not have “You shall not pass” Virus protection?

  14. Kenno says :

    Alex ‘The’ Kid

  15. roger fitz says :

    how about Fez?

    It’s red, so there’s a hint of red russia there, along with Fez being a terrible shortening of Ferrari.

    And it’s simple. And you can tell people that it’s a secret acronym for something, but never tell them what :)

  16. Eric Richardville says :

    How about OL’ Red. I know it is new but that name makes you think it is your close friend, you know, someone you have known for a while.

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